The gods are angry?
That pool of green goo had a “No Bathing” sign?
The salamander-tail-ogre-nail-blueberry elixir tasted sour?
You’ve been fantastically mutated!
1. Your genitals turn into a snake that attacks everyone but you (if used offensively, use regular poisonous snake stats).
2. Your eyeballs get swollen. Everytime you take damage, they fall from your skull, hanging from the optical nerve until gently put back in. Until the next time you take damage, that is. (-4 to all attacks while in this state).
3. A beard made of live worms grow on your face. It’s very painful to shave, and they come back 1d4 days later.
4. Your skin hardens and cracks, and a nutritious sap bleeds through. Beware of burrowing bugs!
5. Your mouth is perpetually dry and your breath reeks of death.
6. Your buttcrack turns horizontal. Chairs, saddles, armour and pants are unconfortable unless custom-made. Plus your ass claps when you run or climb down stairs.